military aviation jokes

However, a great landing is one where you can use the airplane again afterwards. P | Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. Remember, gravity is not just a good idea. If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. Airman: The worst was when the air conditioner broke in our tent and it was 110 degrees outside! "OK Suzy" said the teacher, "please tell the class your. Reply: No, I say again. What do you call a military officer who goes to the bathroom a lot? (Hang up. Now he likes peanuts.. Divert your course NOW! Rodrigues there? aviation JOKES (random) Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. Without a letter from public affairs, well have to take your camera. I did the only thing I could do: I pulled a notepad and pen from my bag and wrote a letter giving myself permission to take photos. From the plane came a laconic southern voice: . The Air Force will take out a five-year lease with an option to buy at the end. When I spotted a Navy captain on the street, I saluted and bellowed, LST 395, which was the designation and number of the ship I served on during World War II. 6, 2 to cheer, 2 to fire the weapon and 2 to take pictures! Speed is life. [Answered]. To begin with, the U.S. in early 2022 had 38,500 troops stationed on German soil almost 40% of the total number it deploys in all of Europe. I walked into the orderlys room and asked Sarge if I could borrow his master key. I was stationed in England with the Air Force when I went to a local barber. It was basic training, and I was seated in the barber chair bemoaning the impending loss of my hair when the barber asked, Where are you from? St. You might be in the Coast Guard if your idea of aromatherapy is Simple Green and JP5. The official allowed us to pass without opening a single suitcase. The Coast Guard often gets its share of jokes starting with the fact that it was formerly part of the Department of Transportation (now Homeland Security) and not the Department of Defense . The gunners very first shot sent the drone into the water! A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?" "The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained the flight attendant, "and it took . She approached one of the women for an explanation: What enabled women here to achieve this marvelous reversal of roles? Land mines, replied the Kuwaiti woman. What do you call someone who joined the military out of spite? Airspeed, altitude, and brains: Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight.. The soldier swore under his breath at the Marine and told him he wanted to get up and get a drink. You do know that he could get ill from the bacteria on the toilet. Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: Army territory Age: 57 Posts: 26 Likes: 0 Received 0 Likes on 0 Posts Good RAF Army Banter/Jokes As a new poster, I hope you can help me. As a pilot only two bad things can happen to you and eventually one of them will. They all originally set out to become Marines. ", "Sir" she calmly answered, "if I'd had any of those items, I would have used them by now". Where is your foxhole, Lieutenant? I asked. 33. A Flight Attendant's comment after a less than perfect landing; We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal, 17. I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth when my squad leader barged in. Later, I spoke with Mom. A military base commander called to complain that the weather-forecasting software our company created for them kept reporting unexplainable wind shifts. Connors eyes went from one to the other, and then he asked in a puzzled voice, You used to be a bear?. Why does the military have a strict dress code for ceremonies and events? Even his son turned up. Next time I send a damn fool, I go myself., My high school assignment was to ask a veteran about World War II. Altitude is life insurance. ", "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?". Six Triple Eight Film by Tyler Perry Is Coming to Netflix, Havana Syndrome Still a Mystery, but Foreign Involvement Unlikely, After a Storied Career, Paris Davis Is Finally Receiving His Medal of Honor, Here are 200 Remote Jobs for Veterans in 2023. Rodrigues there? Anecdotes 2. How different military branches use the stars: The U.S. Army sleeps beneath the stars. with someone braver than you.'. He was holding a toothbrush, which he proceeded to use to scrub underneath the rim of a toilet. The other Sergeants noticed that he looked more relaxed than ever. Of course, he responded. Each branch has its own traditional jokes that have caused a lot of laughing for many years. The steaming jungles of Vietnam were not my husbands first choice of places to spend his 21st birthday. What do you call a snail that boards a Navy ship? As they started loading the plane for the return trip, the pilot said the plane could take only four moose. Yes, she said. Caller: Is Sgt. S | Engine found on right wing after brief search. Choose from military jokes such as army jokes, navy jokes and marine jokes that will bring out. He then asked conspiratorially, Do you want to keep your sideburns?I perked up. The captain returned my salute and responded, LMD 67. Types of Rifles Every Shooter Should Know About, Rifle Vs. It was sheer brilliance. But before I could get out, he pointed to the other end of the building and said, The band entrance is that way. Gordon Van Otteren. On an internal Flight with a very Senior Flight Attendant crew, the pilot said, Ladies and Gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. A lieutenant stood up and asked, Is that 24 hours our time or 24 hours their time?. If it doesnt move, pick it up. P | Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. I told him that I had a date that night and asked for a very close shave. They throw out a pistol. 100+ WW2 Trivia Questions For HistoryBuffs, 17 Military Personnel Talk About The Creepiest Thing Theyve Seen OnDuty, 100+ Scary Stories to Read in the Dark to Leave You With Chills[2021], A Writers Diary Entries From Mid-April,1986, 30 Spooky Paranormal Stories From Former MilitaryPersonnel, You might be in the Coast Guard if people have looked at you and said, The Coast Guard is part of the military?, You might be in the Coast Guard if your child points to the ship and says, Thats where my parent lives!, You might be a Coastie if you head an HH-65 and. We know that there are hundreds and hundreds of military jokes out there. What do you call a military officer who goes to the bathroom a lot? It Bad Jokes That You Cant Help but Laugh At, Funny Photos That Will Make You Laugh Out Loud, Cheesy Pick-Up Lines Guaranteed to Get a Laugh, The Absolute Best Funny Movies of All Time, Weird Facts You Never Knew About Laughter, Work Cartoons to Help You Get Through the Week, Clever Wedding Jokes Perfect for Any Speech, We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer), Do Not Sell or Share My Personal Information. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say a word, I will not charge you. What does ARMY mean to you? As part of my Naval Reserve requirements at Emory University Dental School, I attended a talk about proper dental procedures following nuclear warfare. Sent a recruit to medical-supplies office in search of fallopian tubes There are optimists and pessimists in aviation. [Answered]. You can see why: 54. While waiting every one will come by multiple times except yours, 62. Thanks for coming back for me, the airman said, jumping on the back of the scooter. What do you call a second lieutenant surrounded by PFCs? Our bases Army Exchange Service carried a particular brand of underarm deodorant that I liked and bought for years. No copyright required, as all content is freely available on 1,000s of websites. The Marine took off his boots and began to stretch out. SUB sandwiches! If a baby joined the Army, where would they belong? Youre standing in it, sir, said the sergeant. Marines Say OOOOORAH! U.S. Navy Warship: This is the captain of a U.S. Navy ship. After a very heavy landing in Halifax, the Flight Attendant announced; Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. 10. A LOOtenant! I could have as many babies as I want because giving birth is free. I was awakened late one night by a phone call from nearby Fort Meade, in Maryland. The Marine insisted that since he was in the aisle seat he would get it for him. I'm impressed! Keep up with Katee on Instagram and linkedin.com. We were an Air Force family, but our son could not grasp that fact. Here are some favorites from rallypoint.com: Instructed a private in the mess hall to look for left-handed spatulas My 90-year-old dad was giving a talk at our local library about his World War II experiences. They know how to take up space. There are so many funny military jokes and jabs out there so it took me a while to compile a list of only the best. One started by saying, Okay smartass, which one is closer, the moon or Florida? The second responded by saying, Obviously its the moon you cant see Florida!. The owner of this website does not guarantee offers on this site, and all offers should be viewed as recommendations only. Ordered a private to bring back a five-gallon can of dehydrated water (in fact, the sergeant just wanted an empty water can). Ask the Army to secure a building and they will set up a perimeter around it and make sure nobody gets out. 46. On-time Arrival Obscure term meaning unknown, 63. Explaining the use of the controls to a student "If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger, if you pull the stick back they get smaller. Every military branch thinks that theyre the best, the most important, and in their own way the hardest working. He grabbed a bagel and took a seat. 1. I thought you had to be in relatively good shape to join the Marines.. Climbing out of the wreckage, Brian asked Tommy, Any idea where we are?, I think were pretty close to where we crashed last year Brian, 5. Cabin Attendant Two-legged mobile device for extracting cash from a captive audience, 56. You should always use any of that variety of jokes sparingly. The Marine said Are you crazy? The pilot did all kinds of fancy manoeuvres, but not a word was heard. Learn from the mistakes of others. Eat up! An officer calls a young Soldier to attention, scolding him for not attending camouflage training that morning. If pilots screw up, they die. Why Do We Celebrate It? He holds the bulb and then the world revolves around him to screw it in. If you want it any closer than that, youll have to bite em off from the inside.. A DC-10 had an exceedingly long roll out after landing with his approach speed just a little too high. Was looking for the best candidate to fill a spot on a field team. Unfortunately, the experience usually comes from bad judgment. This is really good, he said. Any attempt to stretch fuel is guaranteed to increase headwind. This website is not affiliated with the United States Marine Corps, and the information on this website does not necessarily reflect the opinions of the Marine Corps as a whole. Why? I asked. Why did the optometrist set his clock to military time? Trask (his last name) used that heritage to lord it over me. Tower "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7", Eastern 702 "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure by the way, after we lifted off, we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway", Tower "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7; did you copy the report from Eastern? Rodrigues? I wanted to join the Marines but I fell just short of their requirements. The only time you have too much fuel is when youre on fire. Attention! The next day, I received a letter addressed to Sgt. A cookie and a piece of cake joined the army, but eventually, they abandoned their fellow soldiers. The other replied, Not me! One day an airman, an Army soldier, and a Marine were talking about the hardships they faced during their last deployment. When the sergeant told our new commander that his driver could not participate in an upcoming field maneuver because she was pregnant, the enraged commander demanded to know just how pregnant she was. 5. 10. Share yours with us on our socials Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook and check out military jokes from other Vets, troops, and military support personnel! After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Regina. I was instructing new recruits when an officer entered my classroom to observe and report on my teaching style. Did it work? They bagged six. Son, you are going to have to make up your mind about growing up and becoming a pilot. 4. Collecting our many suitcases, the ten of us entered the cramped customs area. A pilot is a confused soul who talks about women when he is flying, and about flying when he is with a woman. During orientation at Fort Sill, in Oklahoma, our first sergeant stated that if anyone lost his locker key to see him, as he kept a master key in his office. We made a private sweep all the sunshine off the sidewalks. You seem in a good mood., He replied, Im paying a private to do all my worrying for me.. MARCH! This poor old fool, thought the Navy officer, so he invited the old man inside to buy him a drink. I admit itI have a tendency to exaggerate, and I was afraid when I joined the Navy that my creativity might get me in trouble. Our pilots FLY much better than they DRIVE so please remain seated until the captain finishes taxiing and brings the aircraft to a complete stop at the terminal, 13. A young pilot in a Fighter Jet was flying escort for a B-52 Bomber and generally being a nuisance, acting like a big hotshot, flying loops around the lumbering old bomber. All of a sudden, a lieutenant pulls up, hops out, and asks Is your car stuck sir?, The general climbs out, hands his keys over, and slides into the lieutenants car before saying, Nope. But I had the last laugh. He then made his way to my side. We thought we would try to share as many with you as possible. The two lads objected strongly. USA: Choppers He thought he would be home about 13:30. 2. They are the ones protecting us at all times from external threats. Economy Class Conditions under which transportation of animals would constitute a criminal offence, 57. An Airman, Soldier, and Marine are sitting around talking about hardships they faced on their last deployment. Soldier: WTF, you had air conditioners? He nodded. Had a new guy conduct a boom test on a howitzer by yelling Boom! down the tube in order to calibrate it Remember them the next time youre talking to a friend or family member that has served as a Marine because these jokes are bound to make them smile. Do not use 27 packs of sticky notes to label everything in the barracks so the general wont have any questions during the inspection. OHH OHOH! I thought I was on top of my game that day, Comedian Martha Raye was a great supporter of the military and made many trips to Vietnam to entertain the troops. Please speak after the tone or, if you require more options, listen to the following numbers: A. He told them "you must find your own way to this beach head for 0600 tomorrow morning, there you will be tested like never before". My gunnery sergeant and I were inspecting a Marine training exercise when we spotted a second lieutenant ambling about. An old Marine Sergeant was standing near the edge of the puddle with his fishing line in a puddle. While on maneuvers in the Mojave Desert, our convoy got lost, forcing our lieutenant to radio for help. Why did the Soldier bring a blanket to an active battle zone? One day, while out snapping photos, I was stopped by the military police, who asked for my letter from public affairs. I was standing watch when an old, run-down freighter named Sagar Moti passed by. Tell these quips to a friend in the service to give them a good chuckle. Rather than fire a shot, I shouted out the first half of the password: George! When the sailor finishes up, he heads to the sink to wash his hands. [Easy] How to Clean Rust off of a Gun Without Damaging it? Awesome page, I came out of the US Army in 92. He finally comes dragging in at. One day, the pilot of a single-engine Cherokee was told by the tower to hold short of the runway while a DC-8 landed. She also liked her scotch. Around midnight, I noticed movement behind a bush. While in Kuwait, shortly before we deployed to Iraq, a major general told our meeting that we should expect to cross into Iraq in less than 24 hours. He then My gunnery sergeant and I were inspecting a Marine training exercise when we spotted a second lieutenant ambling about. Sometimes I think war is Gods way of teaching us geography. He would never get on my nerves, because he would always be gone. For I am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing! It was our first day on the rifle range at Lackland Air Force Base. On previous visits, she noted that women customarily walked about 5 paces behind their husbands. Comedian Martha Raye was a great supporter of the military and made many trips to Vietnam to entertain the troops. ", Continental 635 "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff roger; and yes, we copied Eastern and we've already notified our caterers", 53. After a few basic questions, I very gingerly asked, Did you ever kill anyone? Whats the difference between a fighter pilot and a fighter jet? Upon the Vietnam war's conclusion a lot of money was invested in creating the next class of aircraft. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance", To this, Warren replied, "Joy that helicopter is fifty quid, and fifty quid is fifty quid", The pilot overheard the couple and said, "Folks I'll make you a deal. I served in Korea, said Uncle Jerry. Sometime later, when the examination was Coffee tastes better if the latrines are dug downstream from an encampment. Anytime someone asked what his father did, hed say, Hes in the Army. I told him Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you. Pointing to the My husbands cousin married a former Marine who now works for United Parcel Service. We thought we would try to share as many with you as possible. Airmens mess, sir.. Takeoffs are optional. He had noticed that, for the umpteenth time, a recruit kept going to his right on a left command. Air Traffic Control 6. Take a look at the military jokes about the U.S. Marine Corps below to find some hilarious quips. He had noticed that, for the umpteenth time, a recruit kept going to his right on a left command. March forth! Founded in 2010, Thought Catalog is owned and operated by The Thought & Expression Company, Inc. For over a decade, we've been at the bleeding edge of media, pioneering an infrastructure for creatives to flourish both artistically and financially. What did the Coastie say when his friends asked why he was getting married? The optimist invests the aeroplane and the pessimist invents the parachute. If all you can see out of the window is ground that's going round and round and all you can hear is commotion coming from the passenger compartment, things are not at all, as they should be. Officer: Thats no way to address an officer! Ask the Marines to secure a building and they will charge in, kill everybody inside, and then set up defenses to make sure nobody gets in. Reply: I recommend you divert your course 15 degrees south to avoid a collision. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have, 16. I asked an employee whether they still carried my deodorant. However, the mood was brightened when he received a birthday cake from We were inspecting several lots of grenades. For example, heres what happens when each of them is told to secure a building. Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded. The hotshot said over the air, "Anything you can do, I can do better". One day, convinced he could improve things, he told the head cook, If you give me a My granddaughter's husband was complaining about how spellcheck changes the meaning of e-mails when an Air Force officer told him this story: Hed sent a message to 300 of his personnel addressed to Dear Sirs and Maams. It was received as Dear Sirs and Mamas. Phyllis Howard. "Ah", the fighter pilot remarked "The dreaded Seven-Engine approach", 12. After an overnight flight to meet my father at his latest military assignment, my mother wearily arrived at Rhein-Main Air Base, in Germany, with my eight siblings and me, all under age 11. Katees passion for writing and fascination for language has forever guided her path in life. Not to mention, when spending many hours deployed and away from home, telling jokes and connecting through humor is the best way to avoid the difficulty of real life. In an attempt to keep, the passengers from standing or moving around before taxiing was completed the Flight Attendant of an internal flight said over the PA, "Ladies and Gentlemen. Welcome aboard Flight 245 to Calgary. But I am public affairs, I said. Why is the United States Air Force the most patriotic military branch? The pilot of the 727 complained, "Do you know it costs us two thousand dollars to make a three-sixty in this airplane?, Without hesitating the controller replied, "Roger, give me four thousand dollars worth! The modern age of military aviation is often considered to begin around the conclusion of the Vietnam war. ! 2. Then one day I couldnt find it. How can you tell if theres an Air Force pilot at the bar? Its a NO FLY zone! 27. P | Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent. The Blonde Fighter Pilot What would you do if you came upon an injured man with a steering wheel embedded in his chest? Nervous and unsure, I blurted out, Drive him to the hospital? For some reason, the rest of the room found this hilarious. Only one. It was World War IIthe frontand we were on high alert. Are you near any landmarks that might help us locate you? the During that first roll call in the Army, I waited in dread as the sergeant got to my name: DiFeliciantonio. Fish Food. Our puns and jokes are here for the soldiers as well as everyone else to enjoy. Civilian CASUAL TEES are not acceptable. You can always leave the joke in a funny mug, or a pilot mug if the person is into aviation. What do you use on your face to keep it so smooth? I During orientation at Fort Sill, in Oklahoma, our first sergeant stated that if anyone lost his locker key to see him, as he kept a master key in his office. How old are you? a tenant asked. I was working in Army security when a VIP from another base called to ask to whom he should address an important letter. I instantly knew I was in the right outfit when I looked around. Military Aviation Humor | Civil Aviation Humor | Life in the Military | Submit a Joke Waxing his plane A pilot got up bright and early, and told his wife he was going to wash and wax his plane. Airman: The worst was when the air conditioner in our tent broke and it was 110 outside! When the Marine finishes up, he starts to head for the door. And we don't even wonder 'why' because one has to twiddle their thumbs one way or another. S | Reprogrammed Target Radar with the words. Anecdotes 1. "They're all mine. Civilian casual tees are absolutely unacceptable. Even if you arent in the military yourself, try reading some of these out loud to someone you know in a particular branch and watch as their face lights up. Shotgun: Comparison for a First-Time Gun Buyer, What Are The Basic Parts Of Ammunition? On-time Departure Cabin doors closed 15 minutes before scheduled departure time Subsequent delays are irrelevant. We are directly under the moon.. Sidling right up to the student, the speaker shouted in his ear, What would you do for a patient in the event of a nuclear war? In the 60s, the CIA hatched a plan to implant a battery and a We were marching to the chow hall when we spotted a pathetic-looking recruit standing at attention by a mailbox, a whole book of stamps plastered to his forehead. StrategyPage's Military Jokes and Military Humor. One is a SEAL, and the other is an otter! My friend kept asking what my military rank was, but I kept telling him its Private. Problems reported by Pilots and Solutions noted by Aircraft Engineers in aircraft Technical Logs. Ummm no, youre good, he mumbled. Why won't you kiss me? What do hungry Marines eat? The veteran bomber pilot answered, "Try this hot-shot". P | Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. One day, I was told As part of my Naval Reserve requirements at Emory University Dental School, I attended a talk about proper dental procedures following nuclear warfare. More information More like this I admit itI have a tendency to exaggerate, and I was afraid when I joined the Navy that my creativity might get me in trouble. 64. So I quit ordering it.. My father was serving in a port city in postWorld War II Germany when a ship laden with GIs docked.

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