we broke up and he got another girl pregnant

I dont know. Women why do we allow men to sleep with us while they are drunk again..my god.I wont say dont continue your relationship but it will be hard. By this point I had already invested so much in the relationship that I wanted it to work regardless, but no matter how much I tried he didnt want to immediately get back together. Actually, the most powerful and damaging ever dont Gingrich, Cheney, Santorum, and Bush spring to mind. April 9, 2012, 12:24 pm. It is possible to get pregnant on the pill if you dont take it at the same time everyday, so maybe use backup protection if youre fucking someone you dont know? Especially if you think the laws are unfair, I think youd be particularly cautious in your actions. I wont go into the reasons they came to this, (very long, and quite personal, story), but its entirely possible that if a women gets pregnant and decides to keep the baby though the father would prefer she abort, he DOES have the option to waive his parental rights and duties to the child and thus not be legally responsible for child support. 10. I appreciate the points youre trying to make. April 10, 2012, 12:44 pm. It takes two to make a baby, and it doesnt seem like he was taking any precautions. so many unwanted and unplanned pregnancies could be prevented if people just showed more interested and care in using birth control. I think this is a very fair and reasonable response, I wonder if she will think so too. so we have a 8mth baby. Not everyone believes that. Instead, you pick on women and insinuate that were ~unreasonable or some shit. IF men want to engage in condomless sex and want a choice (which women DONt have btw, we dont TELL our bodies when we want our eggs fertilized and when we dont, I WISH we could that would be such an intelligent design feature!) The 16 & Pregnant cast member slash Teen Mom 2 firebrand is many things, but she has never been lucky in love. And, you know, your well reasoned logic and stuff. By that logic, virtually every dude on the planet is an idiot. Cowards who abandon responsibility when they dont want to deal with it dont make good partners. Chuck Pelto And as a grown adult; as a person whos lived 40 years and should have acquired a sense of decency and maturity; you should own up to the consequences of your actions. My only real advice is along the lines with what the other posters have already said. Thats taking responsibility for your own choices. 1. It did say that he was furious at her for not getting an abortion. April 9, 2012, 3:33 pm, bittergaymark Oh I definitely agree, a laid back scenario is no more absurd, it really depends on how people take what he is saying. But I would not for one reason other than the fact that trusting him again would be difficult to do (and that would IMHO b. Im not so sure why he isnt allowed to be angry at her decision to keep the baby. We . And they seem to have a lot of time on their hands. April 9, 2012, 1:49 pm. im just annoyed that so many people (at least many of the LWs here) act as if birth control or std prevention isnt something they need to worry about. Yes, it would be nice if he were eager to become a parent. It merely reduces the chances. Welp, he didnt run after you, and instead he ran to another woman for comfort and now she is pregnant. Really stupid. Please. How do you even know that his man was actually, really furious? April 9, 2012, 3:42 pm. However, not once did I say anything like what youre implying. Sure, lots of people take those chances. My heart broke into a million pieces. Man is in quotes becuase no man abandons a woman that he impregnates. Are you sure you are not living in a cheap novel? My Boyfriend Got Another Woman Pregnant & It Changed My Views On Parenthood. The last time I checked it took more than one person to make a baby. Dont be so quick to assume every dude who makes an observation about a real phenomenon is some embittered douche full of vitriol; you may learn something in the process. Some of the best advice my mom ever gave me way back in the day was Listen. Our resident male troll is back and defending his gender. Im surprised that so many people here are assuming that just because a guy has sex and gets a girl pregnant, he undergoes an immediate 180* like a Sim changing their clothes and becomes a devoted, excited father-to-be. The risk of pregnancy if something goes wrong broken condom, etc. I think he was just really scared, and alot had changed in a really short matter of time. I just found out 4 days ago that my ex got a girl pregnant. He says he told her hes not happy about this pregnancy and didnt want a baby and asked her to abort as he was 40 years old. The sperm is genetically identical to the IVF doctors sperm, and it is the IVF doctor who impregnates the woman, even if he never has sex with her. You want to work on your social skills. from the letter: But it is probably fair to say I hate the over-the-top modern feminism you appear to espouse. Sad that the life you thought was going to happen when you got back with the BF is going to get messier? Let me repeat myself IT IS NOT A LOTTERY WIN. Personally, I wouldnt. Not necessarily. Nothing. This guy sounds like scum. We broke up for 8 hours 2 months in and he met another girl within those 8 hours. Well, ok. You wouldnt need to administer it. He still has to pay. I know you two were on a break but I hope you made him get swabbed for STDs. Another thing that happened in my friends case is that at the same time that they signed things to waive his parental rights, the mother had the child adopted by her fiance and then her fiances name was put on the birth certificate from the get go (though, this was all done behind my friends back and that part was done without his consent, nor was even discussed). I think this man, regardless his quality of character in other situations, demonstrates good foresight in deciding that no, hes not ready to be a father. But it also ought to be her responsibility. Out of all the cries of sexism being thrown back and forth, that to me truly is sexist, assuming that a mother cannot raise a well-adjusted child by herself. April 9, 2012, 9:56 pm. John Rohan He wont be a deadbeat dad, as some have suggested. Hell pay for it but wants absolutely nothing to do with it. I believe the definition of an immature asshole is a 40-year-old man who wont own up to his responsibility to be a father to the baby he had equal part in creating. Dont force him to be. On a side note: If the adoption had not occured and she went after him for support, he could contest it by stating that it would be detrimental to the child as he has no fatherly relationship with the child and introducing such a relationship so many years later would be harmful. Its not the mans moral fault that he didnt think he would be roped into parenthood by a singular sexual encounter when he was told she was on the Pill.. I do think he has a legal and monetary one, which he has stepped up to. Just because hes willing to pay child support doesnt mean hes not a deadbeat and who would want to be with the kind of boy who would abandon his child. John Rohan April 9, 2012, 10:46 am, Im not even sure how to address this letter, so I guess step by step is a good way to go. I would love, just ONCE on this site, for one of the male commenters to address shitty man behavior. Steve Kellmeyer Women this means the pill or condom or whatever. reader, Laura1318+, writes (25 January 2008): A Theyve both made their choice. Oh, in a perfect world, kerrycontrary Take this as a lesson learned. It takes two to tango my dear your boyfriend is as much to blame as this woman. Its crazy how much abject hatred there is out there. He doesnt want anything to do with his child? Susie and Jimmy find themselves in the same predicament only Jimmy is thrilled because hes enlisting and being deployed overseas. I feel in a way he is essentially giving the child up for adoptionto the mother who wants the child. I dont know what he told her within those two minutes but obviously it worked cause now yeah. April 9, 2012, 11:41 am. Its always just a hope. Steve Kellmeyer lets_be_honest April 10, 2012, 7:22 pm. I simply had to chime in here as this is what I do for a living and so many people are sadly misinformed. Or until we decide to start a family.. The LW clearly believes that this is the case, and an objective reading of the circumstances she describes suggests that its a legitimate consideration. He CHOSE to do that he took that risk because it feels better on his penis without a condom. Seriously, that is your interpretation of the male thought process? Those double standards take up too much room. Its not a crime to have unprotected sex, dangerous and irresponsible, but not a crime. When you have a child with someone you will have to deal with them FOREVER. There is no 100 percent way to prevent pregnancy. Run. I was a completely amicable situation and hes had no issue with this arrangement and its been many years. He didn't marry you. I dont know why this posted as a reply to Honeybeenicki I tried to post it separately. Especially the children. We have the means to resolve pregnancy issues. It's not that bad (though I'll take an IUD's 0.6%, thanks). Contrary to what might be implied buy my other comments in this thread, Im not typically a proponent of abortions. And maybe she is a harlot of sorts. Steve Kellmeyer April 9, 2012, 5:29 pm. Going through the comments here, right on cue, I already record no less than five times that the boyfriend is called scum or scumbag. We were back and forth and it was very frustrating for me so I gave him an ultimatum I told him that he either wanted to make it work and we move forward, or, that I was leaving to another city to start over without him. If you cant live with those outcomes, dont have sex with her. You want some advice? Find someone without baggage. You deserve better. He ought to get a vesectomy since this guy is obviously carrying the manchild gene. Nothing more, nothing less. We do live in a world where your opinion on one thing may not in fact be the most correct or perhaps their might even be two sides, both reasonable and rational positions to take. The pregnancy pulled you back from the brink. female I agree with you, as well. No one is forcing any woman to have the child and much less to keep it. I must be in the minority because oral sex is a regular part of sex btw my husband and I and Id definitely miss it if it wasnt. Seriously, cry me a river you ignorant #**>##!!! You don't say how long you have been together, but there's a reason that you broke up with him then. ColorsOfTheWind We dont know that she asked for any money. i thought that was a bit harsh as well although her anger is unjustified, shes actually just reacting the same way 99% of people would do in that same situation. I feel like life for me hasnt gotten better and Im tired. Whos the daddy? Yes, he had unprotected sex. The next day I text her that we can give it another chance, but she insisted she was not feeling the same . As we established earlier, men dont really have the option to walk out on a fetus, because the fetus doesnt need anything from them yet (although certainly dads-to-be provide a lot of support to moms-to-be in most cases). Why does anyone think they have a say in whether a woman aborts or keeps her child? Youre expecting women to put the penis of some guy theyve known for two minutes in their mouth?!?!?!?! Hes an idiot either way. savannah Since there is no way to guarantee pregnancy wont occur aside from proof of sterility, this righteous DW anger would likely be aimed at any man who didnt end up wanting the child (no matter what precautions had been taken), likely by the same people whod turn red in the face about any story where a man was forcibly stopping someone from getting an abortion. There are so many variations on how the parents choices can conflict but no choice after the fact will make it even for both mother and father. Because thats really not that old. If you know you absolutely dont want kids, do everything you can to prevent them. But I believe theres a definite difference. A month after the abortion, while I waited for my luggage at the baggage claim, three babies surrounded me, all under a year. But the kid is coming, and if your BF is a decent guy, he *should* be there for his child (if he doesnt come around eventually, you may need to consider if hes someone worth being with). People are calling the LW scum because hes willing to abandon a child he helped create. Obviously, NEITHER man is responsible for the child the woman wanted it, she grew it. reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2008): A Been there The dude having sex is not my issue. You are an entitled, awful, C.U.N.T for even THINKING that you have an opinion on what this woman does with her pregnancy. Maybe she doesnt want the baby at all, but it seems the least unappealing choice to her in this scenario. Welcome to parenthood. Be responsible for your own bodies and your own choices. WTF!!! People arent calling him scum for having unprotected sex with a women he was dating. because, no one can give you a 100% guarantee that none of that will happen. Not to mention raising the baby, which women are way way WAAAYYY more likely to do alone than men. The only ones who dont are the ones who dont ask for it and/or whom the court deems is unable or unfit to. He begged me not to go, but I left anyway because I didnt think things would change and I wanted him to see what life was like without me in hopes hed run after me. It really doesnt help the LW at all and doesnt belong here but here we go. The man has NOTHING to do with any child creation. You are acting like child support is some sort of lottery win for the woman it is court ordered money that is to go towards the care of your child. And thats a double entendr. Nothing about that makes him the definition of immature or of an asshole. Also I disagree with the logic that if you support legal abortion, then you emphatically deny that men create children. And for what its worth, I highly doubt he can bear to live without you. I mean, he didnt exactly waste any time getting some other chick pregnant, did he? Child support is, indeed, a lottery win for women, by which they compel men who had nothing to do with their lifestyle choices to support their lifestyle choices in the manner to which they have become accustomed. But let me make a few suggestions Steve. Turns out that the bout of food poisoning she got after their anniversary dinner and the diarrhea that came with it messed with the effectiveness of her birth control pills. April 10, 2012, 2:42 pm. we were truley in love. skyblossom Start sinking down in the gutter, and no, Im not going to follow you there. i completely agree, it is both parties responsibilities to make sure they are preventing pregnancy AND stds. Im simply responding to the information in the letter because, not knowing these people personally, I have nothing else to go on. But sometimes, we don't even realize just how painful they are until after they've happened, and the person you love . If they do, he is obligated to support the child. Just feeding on each other and leaving a trail of human wreckage in their wake. April 10, 2012, 10:24 am. Glad to see youve really listened to fellow commentators, reflection on their contributions carefully and made a meaningful contribution to the DW community. Seriously, doesnt anyone get off on oral anymore? Iwannatalktosampson I DO think its completely absurd to be furious with someone else however when you become a parent after choosing to do the exact thing that can cause pregnancy. Whatever the case, youre not adding to the discussion. Wow, youre a real piece of work, arent you. SweetsAndBeats This is why homosexual couples have to adopt. She should have either used additional contraception or not engaged with sex with a man who wasnt actively pursuing fatherhood, because now shes fucking with 2 other peoples lives who do not have an active role in the decision-making process. He willingly engaged in sex (apparently without a condom) with a woman he knew for two minutes. So, you go back to where you started, and then he hits you with another bombshell. Blowjobs are a practice in breath holding and gag reflex control, and my jaw ends up hurting pretty badly if I do it for long enough. You may love and care for this man and attack the other women all day long, but at the end of the day, you do not have a relationship and nothing has changed. She seems proud of his bad-boy ways and his current claim that she is the only woman who can tame him into marriage. Its like people that think women become foster parents for the money. Dude, thats seriously out of line. Hi guyssssss,I wanted to share a storytime video with you guys since it has a lot to do with the reason I moved to LA and a lot to do with who I am today!Sid. IF men want to engage in condomless sex and want a choice (which women DONt have btw, we dont TELL our bodies when we want our eggs fertilized and when we dont, I WISH we could that would be such an intelligent design feature!) I have to take the stance that it is no ones responsibility but their own to make sure they dont get STDs. He wants nothing to do with his own child. Everyone is in charge of their own decisions. That reasoning, btw, comes from Karen DeCrow, feminist attorney and former president of NOW. Your welcome. Funny, he only came back to you after he found out the other girl was pregnant. April 10, 2012, 7:35 pm. hamster van beethoven So people got together, decided coke is in the best position to pay if its bottles explode and there you are. Because of my family not being to fond of him we broke it off and i was depressed for along time. If he doesnt own up to his part in creating a child, sorry, I think hes a jerk. The dream is a signal for your quest for power. Respect her decision. Actually, pulling out has a 4% failure rate versus 2% for condoms for perfect use. bittergaymark I thought you were disputing the comments about it being not that contagious by disclosing that you were HIV positive. How about getting to know one another really well before having sex? bittergaymark Some said he deserved the label because he exposed the LW to STDs. Just like we trust people when they say they got tested? Your argument that consenting adults should never have sex unless theyre prepared to become parents neglects the fact that not only do we have the means to significantly reduce the risk of pregnancy, we have extremely safe ways of terminating pregnancies, especially very early on. Ok, lets say he has the right to have as much unprotected sex as he wants. April 9, 2012, 2:44 pm. That still has no impact on my main points. Stop this back and forth with him. Your biological child. Dump this creep. Or maybe you feel like youre trapped between a rock and a hard place. April 9, 2012, 3:57 pm. He cant try and opt out of the rules that he knew he was playing by when he had sex with this woman. Yet you are mad at the other women and not him? Given the particularities and context of any particular situation, there is a lot of unfairness to go around. The idea that he actually said I would prefer if you had an abortion is laughable. If you were instrumental in the making of the child congratulations it is yours. Just shut up and pay the bills, right? But the woman needs to be prepared to accept his involvement as strictly financial. Wrap it up or dont have sex, thats the only choice YOU have. Have you ever been in a fling for a good amount of time -- maybe even half a year . Well, they dont entirely disregard fairness to the mother and/or father, but the childs interests take precedent. When I could just as easily say, Its so easy for men to disappear after a pregnancy and never give financial support to their child.. And honestly, if my boyfriend told me he wants nothing to do with his own child. reader, kmart+, writes (24 July 2008): A Seven months later he tells you that while you were gone, and in order for him to get over you he met someone else and now shes pregnant. Male rape victims notwithstanding, men control where their sperm goes. A better comparison would be a woman abandoning her child in a shelter, etc- and while Im happy there is an option for truly desperate people (who often have major issues, mental illness, abuse, etc), I do think that doing that rather than going through a traditional adoption channel is a pretty scummy thing to do. 6napkinburger I think that is a pretty bad guess with how this guys attitude is towards things, and how badley he wants nothing to do with the child. A woman who is raped is stuck with the agonizing choice of getting an abortion, or carrying a child to term. I spoke with him a second time after many missed calls and he seemed really upset about his situation and begged me to talk to him. If someone decides to risk becoming a parent by having sex, especially unprotected sex, or by letting a pregnancy continue to the point where a baby is born, they are consenting to be responsible for any child that is produced. Your welcome. Which includes emotional support, not just financial. Like if the guy is unconscious or doesnt know how babies are made? April 11, 2012, 8:04 am. Why should she abort the baby I mean come on. This letter is written by someone who wasnt even involved in the conception of the child, so I dont believe there can be an objective reading of the circumstances. And yes, women do use the laws to trap men into financing their lifestyle of choice (as a single mother). lets_be_honest Consider paring them down a bit. Because guess what? I dont care. Im pretty sure the guy is being called scum because of his shitty attitude towards the pregnancy and the unborn child. I meant post living with HIV that as a correction in that I left the with HIV out of my previous post. )boyfriend who got the woman pregnant. These people are the REAL zombies.. landygirl They shouldnt just play house for the sake of the kid. So much that he demanded his interim girlfriend get an abortion. Youre the one asserting that its only one sex that experiences unfairness. There is no indication that he is committed to having a relationship with you on any level. ele4phant Its been done and will continue to be done, as long as accidents, divorce, and death happen. April 9, 2012, 6:47 pm. But were here to offer advice to LW, so I say evanscr05 is right: Dump this loser, yesterday. She says the girl says she got pregnant while on birth control, puh leaaaaaaaaaase. That isnt misogyny. Thats why in rear-end situations, the second driver is liable, right? Because the woman in question has to take on being pregnant for 9 months, giving birth, etc. SEX WITHOUT A CONDOM!!! Steve Kellmeyer Steve Kellmeyer So, if she opted for an abortion and he was furious with her for not keeping the baby, would he be scum? Bless your heart. As others have said, she could have been on the pill and he could have used a condom and she still could have gotten pregnant. And MOA. He also lowkey blames me because I initiated the breakup. reader, yelyah77+, writes (16 April 2009): A I assume from the debate that this has become a fact that was inferred due to the women being on birth control. bittergaymark If the woman chooses to take on the responsibility of raising the child alone, she ought not have the right to force the indentured servitude (financial or otherwise) of the father against his stated wishes. Its not JUST about your ex-boyfriend, LW. You clearly didnt comprehend what you were reading very well. The fact the option to abort or not is a womans right is no secret. And that isnt fair either. TOTALLY USING THAT. Why do you think that is? Mostly for the kid though, I think. But, in reality it takes two to have sexual intercourse and two people to make a baby. April 9, 2012, 10:01 am. Now imagine a bunch of people calling you a scumbag for having the temerity to be angry at your friend, arguing that the situation is of your own making since you should have known this was a possibility when you lent out the car. I think the LW here should wash her hands of this whole mess and stay away from the drama. Remember that episode when Rachel told Ross she was pregnant and he freaked out because they used condoms? I think the hes a scum is more about not wanting anything to do with a child that he helped create and trying to brow beat this woman into having an abortion. Lets start a familyyou know, if the condom doesnt work. Is the same thing going through a womans mind when she decides to have sex? But it doesnt matter what you think of her or her decision to carry your boyfriends baby. And now I couldnt imagine life without my husband, but Im pretty sure Id live through it (and have) if he werent around. April 9, 2012, 8:29 pm. Is that your position, or am I misinterpreting it? You deserve each other! Does that change your opinion? So, if MEN can be compelled to support children after rape, you must also support the idea that WOMEN can be compelled to support that child in the womb after THEY get raped. female female Because, you dont know the other person you dont if they remember to take their pill on time, if they forget pills for days at a time, if they are taking antibiotics, or if youre just one of the unlucky small small percentage that gets pregnant while taking the pill. April 10, 2012, 7:10 pm. If the woman is not required to support a child I cant even write anymore, my brain hurts. iseeshiny He cant force her to get an abortion, and she cant force him to be in the kids life. Its very unfair. honeybeenicki Um please feel free to disregard teh account representative, that may have been for something else haha. We were together for 2 1/2 years, lived together, got a dog together, talked about mar. The divide between the populations of men and women that make up people differs only by a couple of percent world wide, so unless your definition of the term people consists largely of men, that argument falls through. If hes being deceived then hes a willing participant.

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